Made for People

1. You Were Made for People: Loneliness is a Crisis, Friendship is the Cure.

So hear it again because it could be the most important thing that God has ever said to you: “It is not good that you are alone.”

Loneliness is deadly. Modern society, despite being hyper-connected, faces an unprecedented epidemic of loneliness. This isn't just unpleasant; it's a spiritual and physical crisis, more dangerous to health than smoking. Research shows a multi-year decline in American life expectancy, driven by "deaths of despair" like suicides and drug overdoses, all linked to isolation.

God's design for connection. From the very beginning, God declared, "It is not good for the man to be alone," even when Adam was with God himself. This reveals a profound truth: we are designed to need people. Our fullest spirituality and flourishing are only possible in community. Jesus, the ultimate friend, embodies this truth, inviting us into a divine circle of friendship.

Friendship is salvation. The gospel, in essence, is Jesus's act of friendship: "I have called you friends." He knows us fully and loves us anyway, seeing through our hiding and shame. This reclaims friendship from a peripheral luxury to a central necessity, defining it as "someone who knows you fully and loves you anyway."

2. Vulnerability: Live Without Secrets Through Confession.

Grace means that your hidden failures are not the end of your story. They can be the beginning of friendship.

Sin thrives in isolation. The first act after sin in Eden was hiding—from each other and from God. This hiding, an unwillingness to be seen and known, is the root of all loneliness. Living with sin and hiding it is the loneliest way to live, creating shame that becomes a defining feature of life.

Vulnerability unlocks grace. When temptation meets aloneness, temptation almost always wins. True friendship, however, offers an intervention of grace. It's a place where our mistakes don't prevent love but make its reception possible. Confessing our sins, even the nastiest ones, becomes the path, not the barrier, to deeper relationship with others and God.

Confession is solidarity. Vulnerability is distinct from mere "sharing." Sharing updates people; vulnerability lets them into the mess of your life. It takes courage to expose flaws, but this act of honesty is an act of solidarity, strengthening friendships. It allows us to be seen as real, flawed people, and in that shared inadequacy, we find strength and connection.

3. Honesty: Speak Truth Through Loving Rebuke and Encouragement.

The loving grace of Jesus finds you where you are but never leaves you where you are.

Words create reality. Just as God used words to create the world, we use words to shape realities in people's lives. In friendship, this power manifests as both encouragement (naming the good to be cultivated) and rebuke (naming the danger to be avoided). Both are essential for renovation, pushing back fallenness and building righteousness.

Renovation through honesty. Modern culture often fears judgment, preferring friends who "accept us as we are." However, true love, like Jesus's, accepts us where we are but never leaves us there. Honest words, delivered in love, are a gift that calls friends forward into better versions of themselves, even when it's painful or awkward.

Habits of truth-telling. Cultivating honesty involves specific habits:

• Rebuke: Serious but not harsh, it names problems to call a friend to change. It requires trust and a willingness to be uncomfortable for a friend's good.
• Encouragement: More than compliments, it names existing good and exhorts friends to steward and multiply their talents, often mixed with caution.
  These practices transform friendships into spaces of profound growth and mutual sharpening.

4. Covenant: Commit to Friendship's Unpredictable Future.

The problem is that real freedom is not the ability to choose what you want in any given moment. Real freedom is the ability to do what you were made for and choose the good.

The spirituality of promising. Making promises is a holy act, reflecting God's covenant with us. It's an audacious claim on the future, an act of faith that anchors our identity and holds us to the kind of person we ought to be. In a world of uncertainty, promises create islands of trust and stability.

Naming sparks commitment. Giving a name to a friendship, like "best friends" or "the Cast," imbues it with power and calls participants forward into deeper commitment. This intentional naming helps friends see themselves as belonging to one another, fostering a sense of shared identity and purpose that transcends mere coincidence.

Covenant is not marriage. While covenant friendship involves deep commitment, it is distinct from marriage. It focuses on relational intimacy, not physical, and is universally available. It's about choosing to fight for an island of trust in life's ocean of uncertainty, making friendship shape your future rather than letting the future dictate your friendships.

5. Forgiveness: Embrace Imperfection to Sustain Relationships.

If you’re not willing to get hurt, you’re not willing to have relationships.

Conflict is inevitable. All friendships, being between sinners, will involve hurt and conflict. Expecting perfection is a "wish dream" that God's grace shatters. Conflict, when met with forgiveness, becomes a doorway to deeper communal grace, not a barrier to friendship.

Forgiveness is practical and profound. Relationships cannot exist without forgiveness; without it, we're trapped in resentment or perpetual loneliness. Forgiving others re-experiences God's forgiveness for us. It means acknowledging hurt but choosing to bear the burden of pain rather than inflicting it. Apologizing, even when awkward, is crucial, often requiring persistence until sincerity is felt.

Grace transforms friendship. Forgiveness frees us to bring our flawed selves, reforms unhealthy expectations, and allows us to "practice" friendship without demanding perfection. It's the sturdy foundation that enables us to risk the pain of covenant friendship, knowing we can be hurt and try again. This painful process forms us into the image of Christ, who was a "friend of sinners."

6. Invitation: Cultivate Open Circles, Not Exclusive Cliques.

It always takes work to add someone new. But healthy friendships do not fear the work. We know that we were blessed in order to bless.

Exclusion harms all. While healthy friendships have natural limits, actively excluding others is a harmful distortion. It's like stagnant water, slowly killing the friendship itself and causing deep pain to those on the outside. The direction of God, as seen in the Trinity, is always to invite others in.

Open circles mirror the divine. Healthy friendships are characterized by open, interlocking circles, not closed-off cliques. They are strong enough to welcome new people, enhancing the network rather than diluting it. This requires intentional habits of inclusion:

• Open body language: Arranging seating to invite conversation.
• Extra chairs: Signifying readiness for new guests.
• Warm greetings and introductions: Making newcomers feel honored and welcome.
• Curated gatherings: Intentionally bringing new people together.
• Acts of care: Extending love through practical help.

Inclusion as evangelism. In a world where language often fails to convey faith, friendship becomes the arena for evangelism. By inviting broken people into the spiritual wholeness of friendship, we put Christ's love on display. The warmth of genuine connection draws others to the "fire" of faith, proclaiming a powerful message without words.

7. Geography: Root Your Life Where Relationships Can Thrive.

Place and relationship are far more intertwined than we may think.

Modern displacement. Americans often prioritize jobs over relationships when choosing where to live, leading to a geographically unrooted existence. This "gospel of work" places career at the center of identity, but it fails to deliver happiness and contributes significantly to loneliness by separating us from community.

Rooting for relationships. Deep relationships require physical proximity. Just as plants need soil, friendships need geographic roots to flourish. This means intentionally considering how where you live impacts your relational life, rather than letting job opportunities be the sole determinant. It's about choosing to live near friends and family, or cultivating deep friendships wherever you are.

Habits of proximity:

• Choose neighbors over houses: Prioritize living near friends.
• Create gathering spaces: Design your home (e.g., front porch) to be open to relationships.
• Move for friends: Consider relationships as a primary factor in relocation decisions.
• Make family out of friends: Build strong support networks with local friends if family is distant.
• Live close to church: Make your church a relational center of gravity.
• Cultivate sacred spaces: Designate regular gathering spots that become rich with shared memories.

8. Time: Prioritize Friendship by Scheduling It Intentionally.

Friendship is as urgent as it is important. So it should be scheduled as a way of prioritizing it over the other demands of life.

Busyness is the enemy. The modern current of loneliness makes us busier, wealthier people who used to have friends. We often neglect friendship, assuming it's flexible, but this is a mistake. Friendship is vital and requires intentional time allocation.

Time is currency. We audit our finances but rarely our time, the true currency of purpose. We often overestimate productivity and underestimate wasted time. A schedule acts as a "parent" or a "trellis," providing accountability and structure to ensure we spend our time wisely, especially on relationships.

Schedules foster growth. Far from stifling spontaneity, schedules provide the scaffolding upon which deep relationships grow. Regular, intentional rhythms—weekly coffees, monthly dinners, quarterly getaways—become anchors that pull us out of isolation and into the warmth of friendship. These rhythms, even if they shift with life's seasons, serve the crucial purpose of fighting against the chaos that drags us into loneliness.

9. Communication: Use Technology to Connect, Not to Isolate.

The promise of social media is to be fully seen and fully liked. But the promise of covenant friendship is to be fully known and fully loved. The two are very different.

Technology's double edge. Technology is both a gift and a curse. It can deepen friendships but also create "connected isolation," giving the sensation of being known without true nourishment. Social media, in particular, offers "social media snacking"—the feeling of connection without the substance of deep relationship.

Purposeful use of technology. God made us to be makers, and technology is good, but its purpose (telos) matters. We must use technology for what it was made for:

• Text chains/chats: Excellent for short connections, updates, and planning, but recognize their limits for deep vulnerability, conflict resolution, or prayer.
• Social media platforms: Primarily marketing tools, not spaces for true intimacy. Avoid wasting vulnerability here, as it offers "likes" instead of genuine love.
• Video/calls: Better for preserving intangibles like tone and facial expression, but still a poor substitute for the full, embodied presence needed for deep relational intimacy.

Embrace human presence. Technology changes, but the miracle of human presence does not. We need the embodied presence of friends for real vulnerability, love, and the physical comfort of a hug or a shared space. Use technology wisely as a bridge to these essential in-person interactions, but never let it replace the "main course" of true friendship.

10. Worship: Friendship is a Divine Act and a Spiritual Weapon.

Sin “wants us alone,” but friendship declares war on such isolation.

Friendship as spiritual warfare. Loneliness is not just dangerous; it's evil, a tool the enemy uses to isolate and devour. Friends are essential in this battle, fighting for one another against the darkness of addiction, depression, shame, and doubt. The weapon in this fight is worship.

Friendship is worship. Simply being in friendship, imitating the open circle of the Trinity, is an inherent act of worship. God delights in our friendships, seeing them as reflections of Christ. A life without vulnerable friendships, even if outwardly "perfect," leaves a gaping hole in our worship and puts us on a path of spiritual death.

Communal spiritual disciplines. While friendship itself is worship, it also spurs further worship through communal spiritual disciplines:

• Scripture: Hearing the "word of Christ...truer in the mouth of a friend" provides unique power and comfort, helping us feel, not just know, God's love.
• Prayer: Friends lift each other up, whether in urgent crisis or ordinary moments. This "holy chatter" creates an ongoing network of support, reminding us that we rest in God's hands.
  These practices, often awkward but always profound, knit us together in faith, fighting isolation and reminding us that we are known and loved by God and by each other.

Last updated: January 3, 2026