Key Takeaways
1. The Allure and Deception of Occult Powers
“Elder, why have all these miracles happened to me?” “Because,” he replied, “starting from when you were a child, you didn’t get the help you needed. And not only that — you were actually being pushed towards evil. So you deserved some divine help, and God gave it to you all at once.”
Early spiritual yearning. From a young age, the author was consumed by existential questions about God, life's meaning, and his inner nature, finding no answers in society or conventional thought. This deep spiritual hunger, combined with an early rejection of Christianity influenced by Bertrand Russell, made him highly susceptible to alternative spiritual paths. He sought empirical truth, not just theoretical knowledge.
Entanglement with the occult. His quest led him to hypnotism, yoga, and witchcraft, initially presented as ways to unlock hidden human potential and expand consciousness. He encountered Ares the hypnotist, who spoke of astral bodies and spiritual beings, and witnessed strange phenomena like inexplicable banging, luminous presences, and even physical assaults by unseen entities. These experiences, while unsettling, fueled his curiosity rather than deterring him.
The subtle dangers. The author's journey into the occult revealed a world where seemingly benign practices like Silva Mind Control, which promised enhanced mental abilities and healing, were intertwined with darker forces. He observed friends experiencing demon possession and his own life being manipulated by witchcraft, leading to a series of misfortunes and profound anguish. These powers, though impressive, came with a hidden cost and a sinister underlying nature.
2. Elder Paisios: A Beacon of Divine Love and Spiritual Radiance
There was something about his eyes, large and penetrating, that nearly blinded me. His sweet gaze was powerful and sacred, transcending the limits of human nature as I knew it.
An unexpected encounter. The author's first visit to Mount Athos, initially for free room and board, unexpectedly challenged his preconceived notions of Christianity. He found monks to be intelligent, profound, and living a life of self-sacrifice and brotherly love, a stark contrast to the materialism he knew. This opened his soul to a different reality, preparing him for a pivotal meeting.
The elder's transformative presence. Upon meeting Elder Paisios, the author was immediately struck by his spiritual radiance and powerful, sacred gaze, feeling small and awestruck. The elder, with immense gentleness, asked permission to "walk around inside" his soul, initiating a profound experience of luminous, healing presence, joy, and peace, akin to "returning home after years of cruel exile." This encounter left him spiritually and psychologically changed.
Unconditional love and guidance. Despite the author's repeated falls into sin and spiritual immaturity, Elder Paisios never grew angry or gave up on him. The elder's love was unconditional, surpassing even parental love, and he generously adorned the author with spiritual gifts, always welcoming him back with open arms. This unwavering love became a constant source of comfort and strength, even when the author strayed.
3. The Tangible Reality of Spiritual Warfare
“Don’t be afraid of that imp. There’s nothing to worry about. He just saw that your soul was being edified by what you were reading, and he tried to stop you. It’s nothing to be afraid of.”
Demonic interference. The author's spiritual journey was marked by tangible encounters with malevolent forces, which Elder Paisios consistently identified as demons. These "imps" manifested as:
- "Firecracker" noises while reading spiritual texts.
- Howling of unseen dogs when attempting Christian prayer.
- A terrifying "nighttime visitor" exerting physical pressure.
The elder explained these as attempts to frighten him away from the right path, assuring him that God had them "tied up."
Spiritual weaponry. When faced with a paralyzing nighttime attack, the elder provided the author with a prayer rope, calling it a "pistol" that "shoots spiritual bullets" with the Jesus Prayer. This practical tool empowered the author to repel the demonic presence, transforming a terrifying entity into a "fat dwarf" that fled from the invocation of Christ's name. This demonstrated the power of prayer against evil.
The elder's protection. The elder's prayers acted as a constant shield, often without the author's immediate awareness. The "shaking tree" incident, where a tree violently quaked when the author defended yogis, revealed the elder's active spiritual battle on his behalf. He bore the author's spiritual burden, confronting demons and providing a "spiritual helmet" (a monastic cap) to ward off impassioned thoughts, highlighting his role as a spiritual warrior.
4. Hinduism vs. Orthodoxy: A Clash of Spiritual Sources
“Look here, we say that we are with Christ and want you to be united with Him, but who are the others with, and with whom do they want you to be united?”
Seeking direct comparison. Despite profound experiences with Elder Paisios, the author remained intellectually on the fence, believing other religions might hold different parts of the truth. He decided to give Hindu yogis the "same opportunity" he had given Orthodox monks, traveling to India to experience their spiritual heartland firsthand and compare the two traditions. This was a quest for the ultimate truth, not just a preference.
Conflicting claims. In India, the author encountered Hindu teachings that presented Christ as a great yogi or an incarnation of God, but ultimately relegated Christianity to a "lower level" than Hinduism. Swami Yogamougananda claimed monks were "ignorant" and that she was "beyond good and evil," even implicitly inviting the author to side with the devil. This directly contradicted the elder's clear distinction between God and the devil.
The idol dilemma. At Babaji's ashram, the author was confronted with overt idol worship, including statues of elephant-headed gods and monkey gods, and a porcelain statue of Babaji himself. This stark reality clashed with the pseudo-scientific explanations of yoga he had heard in the West, forcing him to acknowledge the profound differences between the monotheistic Christian God and the Hindu pantheon. The commandment "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me" resonated deeply.
5. The Peril of Demonic Possession and False Enlightenment
Babaji then took the child in his arms and put his thumb in the boy’s mouth and his index finger in between the boy’s eyebrows. Abruptly, the child fell into a deep sleep, or perhaps he was simply hypnotized.
Babaji's unsettling power. The author's encounter with Babaji, revered as "God in the flesh," was deeply disturbing. Babaji's non-human features, terrifying intensity, and the author's own involuntary loss of consciousness and forced smile upon seeing him, raised immediate red flags. The command to worship him, coupled with a yogi's unnaturally large pupil, suggested manipulation and domination rather than divine presence.
Demonic "illumination." A shocking ritual witnessed at Babaji's ashram involved a man being "illuminated" by the guru, resulting in violent trembling, jackhammer-like vibrations, and wailing. The author interpreted this, from a Christian perspective, not as enlightenment (samadhi), but as demon possession, where worshipping Babaji meant worshipping the evil spirits within him, granting them power to enter the worshipper's soul. A child's terrified reaction to Babaji further solidified this suspicion.
Guru's dark secrets. The author later discovered a chilling account in a yoga institute journal, written by Guru Satyananda (Babaji's teacher's teacher). It described how the guru, after invoking spirits from the underworld in a cemetery, was unable to control them and sacrificed a female disciple to save himself. This revealed a willingness to engage in spiritism and a shocking lack of remorse, exposing the dark underbelly of some guru practices.
6. The Profound Choice Between Light and Darkness
The darkness has no existence of its own, but only in that it denies the ever-existing and sovereign light.
The temptation of power. After receiving power from a Dutch yogi, the author felt invulnerable and godlike, capable of fulfilling any desire. This immense might, however, came with an arrogant pride and a troubling emptiness. He engaged in an internal dialogue, questioning whether this power, devoid of love and truth, was truly desirable, ultimately rejecting it as "empty, vain, senseless, and ridiculous."
A revelatory vision. During Holy Week, the author experienced a profound vision where his senses ceased, and he perceived two distinct spiritual realms: a soft, intense light and a thick, cavernous darkness. He explored the darkness, sensing its "magnitude of negation" and "immense hatred," before turning to the light, which overflowed with "unconditional altruism" and brought "fullness of life, peace, joy, and knowledge."
Understanding good and evil. This vision revealed that darkness is not an independent entity but a denial of the ever-existing light, created by the free choice of a conscious being (Satan) to reject God. It showed that evil is fearsome when embraced but "absurd and feeble" when rejected. This experience, a "test and a trial of the deepest inclinations of my heart," solidified his choice for the light, despite his initial inclination towards darkness.
7. Miraculous Healing Through Divine Grace
The elder looked at me tenderly, with much loving-kindness. He didn’t say a word. He simply stretched out his hand and stroked my head, holding his hand for a short while near my right ear.
Healing from demonic influence. After Elder Paisios cast out a demon from the author, a lingering low-grade headache persisted, a physical manifestation of a brain injury sustained during a spiritual attack in India. The author described it as if his brain tissues had been "scraped with sandpaper." The elder, without a word, tenderly stroked his head.
Instantaneous restoration. In a few seconds, a gentle power passed from the elder's hand to the author's head, flooding his soul with "fearless calm and courageous peace." He felt completely well, as if the "wear and tear of twenty-five years had disappeared," and his brain was as "young and fresh as it must have on the day I emerged from my mother’s womb." This instantaneous healing was a testament to the elder's divine gifts.
Elder Porphyrios's intercession. The author also experienced miraculous physical healing through Elder Porphyrios. A chronic knee injury, aggravated by military service and requiring surgery, was healed after the elder, from his sickbed, made the sign of the Cross over it. The healing occurred subtly, without fanfare, a week later, when the author had stopped focusing on it, reinforcing that it was a gift from God, not a product of his own faith or expectation.
8. The Jesus Prayer: A Personal Union with God
The Jesus Prayer is not recited as a mantra, but as a prayer to the Person of Christ.
Prayer as relationship. Elder Paisios guided the author on the mystical path of the Jesus Prayer ("Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me"), emphasizing it as a personal relationship with Christ, not a mechanical technique. Unlike Hindu mantras, which can be boring or lead to deception, the Jesus Prayer, when offered with sincere intention, brings an "ineffable peace," making prayer a joyful and desirable labor.
Divine gifts in prayer. Through the elder's prayers, the author received various "sweets" from God's "pastry shop" during prayer:
- A gentle spiritual mist bringing peace and joy.
- A profound hunger and thirst for God.
- A sweet soreness in the heart when venerating icons.
- The heart opening like a flower.
- The prayer repeating itself spontaneously in his heart, a sign of God's grace.
These experiences deepened his understanding and love for God.
Mantra vs. Prayer. The author highlights the fundamental difference:
- Mantras: Many, referring to various Hindu gods (Krishna, Shiva), often given pseudo-scientific explanations (frequencies, auto-suggestion), but ultimately invoking demons.
- Jesus Prayer: One, addressed to the Person of Christ, seeking mercy, leading to purification, illumination, and theosis. It respects free will, unlike techniques promising automatic results.
9. The Centrality of Christ and His Mysteries
Christ was the source of Father Paisios’s life and strength. I once asked him about this. He answered me, “My child, I’m just a human being. I pray to Christ and He replies. If His grace abandoned me, I’d be just another bum on the streets of Omonia.”
Christ as the source. Elder Paisios consistently emphasized that Christ God is everything, and he himself was merely Christ's disciple. He humbly attributed all his gifts and power to Christ, guiding visitors away from his own person and towards Christ alone. This contrasted sharply with gurus who presented themselves as god incarnate.
Union in Holy Communion. The author's understanding of Christ's centrality culminated in an experience during Holy Communion. He felt Christ Himself flooding his entire being, body and soul, in a unique and intimate union. His blood merged with Christ's, his body became members of Christ's Body, and his soul leaped with joy, realizing the literal fulfillment of Christ's words: "He that eateth My Flesh, and drinketh My Blood, dwelleth in Me, and I in him."
Mysteries vs. Magic. The author affirms that Christian Mysteries are not magic. They require conscious, voluntary participation, yearning, and sincere repentance. God responds to this free assent, granting grace to the extent beneficial for the soul. This contrasts with magical practices or yoga techniques that promise automatic results, bypassing free will and reducing man to a mechanical entity. The Church, through the priesthood, stewards these life-giving Mysteries instituted by Christ.
10. God's Omnipresent Love and Respect for Human Freedom
He not only avoids compelling us through fear, power, and might, but He even avoids swaying us with His beauty, His love, and the irresistible sweetness of His presence. He does this out of an unfathomable respect for human freedom.
An experience of omnipresence. While driving Elder Paisios, the author asked about God's nature. The elder's silent prayer led to a profound experience of God's omnipresence: "everywhere present and filling all things," permeating the cosmos without being identified with it. This revealed God as uncreated, unbegotten, infinite, incorporeal, and the fountain of goodness and justice, surpassing all human comprehension.
Divine nobility and freedom. This experience also revealed God's infinite nobility and respect for human freedom. Despite His almighty power, God never pressures or compels, even avoiding swaying with His beauty or love, to ensure man's choice is completely free. He desires a relationship of love, which can only exist in freedom, resorting to manifold ways to draw us to Himself without infringing our will.
The joy of knowing God. In God's embrace, the author found deep calm, certainty about the world's origin and destination, and immense joy. He understood that God becomes "all things for those who love Him," filling the soul with contentment and an unquenchable thirst for Him. This profound experience, a "spiritual kind of vision," allowed him to sense God in the world, transforming his perception and filling him with gratitude for the One who calls us His children.
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