The View from Ninety

1. Embrace Life's Detours and Uncertainties

"Sometimes the wrong train leads you to the right destination."

Serendipity in life. Life rarely follows a straight path, and often, the most fulfilling journeys begin with an unexpected turn. The author, Charles Handy, initially pursued a secure career as an oil executive with Shell, a path his mother subtly disapproved of, hinting he was destined for "books." This "wrong train" ultimately led him to discover his passion for writing and teaching, transforming a disastrous management stint in Borneo into material for a bestselling book and a beloved career.

Intuition over logic. Handy learned to trust intuition and embrace "negative capability," a concept from Keats, which means carrying on amidst uncertainties "without any irritable reaching after fact and reason." His wife, who thought "with her guts," often made correct decisions without logical explanation, teaching him the power of instinct. This approach encourages letting imagination flow freely, recognizing that facts can sometimes hinder creativity and that some truths are felt rather than explained.

Believe without reason. Just as his mother advised him to "just believe" in the fantastical aspects of the Bible without needing evidence, Handy advocates for accepting things without over-explaining them. This applies to art, poetry, and even entrepreneurial ventures like the Post-it Note, which succeeded because people intuitively understood its use, not because its utility could be fully explained beforehand. Allowing for magic and unexplained phenomena enriches life and opens doors to innovation.

2. Cultivate Humility and Self-Awareness

"I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible that you may be mistaken."

Embrace decent doubt. Humility, or "decent doubt," is the bedrock of all progress, whether in science, religion, or personal relationships. Handy recalls Oliver Cromwell's plea to the Scottish elders, urging them to consider they might be wrong. This openness to argument, even from students or a spouse whose intuition often proved superior to his own logic, fosters growth and makes one a more agreeable colleague and friend.

Beware wilful blindness. Handy highlights the danger of "wilful blindness"—the reluctance to confront awkward facts or bad news. He recounts ignoring a ceiling stain, a metaphor for how individuals and governments often shut their eyes to problems, hoping they will disappear. This deliberate or subconscious avoidance, whether in personal health or organizational issues, can lead to dangerous lapses in judgment and prevent necessary action.

Honesty simplifies life. His mother's advice, "Always tell the truth – it’ll make life simpler," proved profoundly wise. Handy learned this lesson through personal experiences:

• Confronting his baldness rather than attempting a comb-over, which brought a sense of freedom.
• Being honest with an optician about his poor eyesight, leading to correct lenses.
• Insisting on a builder's "true quote," which fostered trust and led to a project completed under budget and ahead of schedule.
  Authenticity and transparency build trust, which Handy calls "the lubricant that keeps the world running smoothly."

3. Prioritize Deep Relationships and Empathy

"A good friend is someone who knows all the worst things about you and still wants to have lunch with you."

The three Fs of life. Handy learned from Italians that true importance lies in "Family, Friends and Food." While "serious" matters like government crises come and go, nurturing these three Fs ensures life's continuity and contentment. He emphasizes that these important things demand immediate attention, unlike serious matters which can often wait. His wife's dedication to "watering and fertilizing" her friendships, even across continents, exemplified this priority, leading to a life "surrounded by snowdrops" (friends) at her grave.

Be a radiator, not a drain. Handy categorizes people as "drains" (those who exhaust you) or "radiators" (those who warm the atmosphere). The secret to being a radiator, he discovered from a theatrical director, is to "pay attention"—to truly listen and make others feel like the most important person in the room. This "listening plus" approach, exemplified by his friend Tom, not only enriches relationships but also allows for self-education, as Handy notes, "how do I know what I think until I hear what I say?"

Trust over contracts. Handy's experience negotiating with a Chinese agent taught him the value of trust over legalistic contracts. The agent's reluctance to sign a formal agreement, viewing it as a sign of distrust, highlighted the Chinese philosophy that "any agreement that is going to last must please both of us." This "give to get and trust" motto, applied in his marriage and negotiations, emphasizes mutual satisfaction and the belief that when both sides feel they've won, trust flourishes, making lawyers unnecessary.

4. Reclaim Your Freedom in Work and Life

"Professor Berlin’s point was that you can’t have both, you have to choose."

Freedom from vs. freedom to. Drawing on Isaiah Berlin's concept, Handy distinguishes between "freedom from" (security, freedom from worry) and "freedom to" (autonomy, purpose). His comfortable but controlled life at Shell offered "freedom from" but lacked "freedom to," leading to frustration. He advocates for choosing the "freedom to" pursue what truly suits you, even if it means less financial security, because it leads to deeper satisfaction and belief in one's work.

Fees, not wages. The shift to remote work highlights the need to pay for results (fees) rather than time (wages). Handy illustrates this with his cleaning lady (paid a wage, supervised) versus his lawyer (paid a fee for delivered work). Paying a fee grants individuals the freedom to work when and how they choose, fostering autonomy and allowing them to build their "wisdom" and expertise into their charges, leading to mutual satisfaction.

Oxford hours and chunking. Handy adopted "Oxford hours" (or "Army hours")—working intensely in the morning, exercising in the afternoon, and socializing in the evening—for a balanced life. He also advocates "chunking" time, taking control of one's most precious resource by banking unused days off to create longer, restorative breaks. This approach liberates individuals from rigid schedules, allowing them to align their work with their personal rhythms and find happiness in purposeful activity.

5. Empower Others and Learn from Every Mistake

"It is immoral – against moral order – for a higher authority to take decisions that properly could be taken by a lower-order body, closer to the action."

Practise subsidiarity. Handy champions the principle of subsidiarity, a Catholic social teaching that deems it immoral for higher authorities to usurp decisions best made by lower-order bodies. This applies from government (e.g., Covid mask decisions) to family life (e.g., letting children walk home from school). Empowering individuals to make their own choices and take responsibility fosters growth, excitement, and a lively environment, even if it means resisting the urge to interfere.

Learn from mistakes, don't blame. Handy advocates for creating environments where mistakes are seen as learning opportunities, not causes for reprimand. He cites the US Marines' post-project debriefs, which enforce confidentiality, no blame, and no records of blunders, allowing for honest reflection and collective learning. His own experience at Shell, where he was "dumped in at the deep end" in Borneo, allowed him to correct mistakes privately before showcasing successes, demonstrating the value of a safe space for error.

Harness the humble's power. Even the lowest-ranking individuals possess significant power, whether positive or negative. Handy recalls an Essex householder halting a wind farm and his own act of tearing up a Shell refinery proposal for Pompeii. Organizations must recognize this and empower all employees to make positive contributions, rather than forcing them into negative acts of obstruction born of frustration or disempowerment.

6. Question Assumptions and Embrace Differences

"Differences can also make a big difference in the workplace."

Beyond stereotypes. Handy learned the hard way in America that people often judge based on stereotypes, mistaking his Irish accent for English arrogance. He emphasizes the importance of quickly clarifying one's individual identity and striving to understand others as unique individuals, not as representatives of a group. This conscious effort to look past preconceived notions is crucial for building genuine connections and friendships.

Avoid dichotomies. Handy warns against the "logical error" of dichotomies, which simplify complex choices into binary alternatives (e.g., "in or out," "yes or no"). These simplistic frameworks, often favored by politicians, stifle imagination and overlook a wealth of other possibilities. He encourages adding "buts" to expand options, fostering creativity and more nuanced decision-making in both personal and public life.

Value diverse perspectives. Handy's marriage thrived on differences—his wife's intuition complementing his logic. He highlights how diverse perspectives are crucial for effective leadership, contrasting Margaret Thatcher's "one of us" cabinet (leading to tyranny) with Abraham Lincoln's "team of rivals" (fostering broad-based discussions). John Kennedy's successful handling of the Cuban Missile Crisis, by widening his advisory group beyond military chiefs, further illustrates how "a little difference" can avert catastrophe.

7. Strive for Better, Not Just Bigger

"Immortality is the ultimate challenge – you have to keep reinventing yourself, bringing in new talent, raising your standards."

Quality over quantity. Handy learned from a Napa Valley winery owner that true success lies in "grow[ing] better, not bigger." This philosophy, applied to his own writing, led to a bestselling book by focusing on making the subject more interesting, not just reaching a wider audience. For organizations and individuals, continuous reinvention and raising standards are key to lasting impact and profitability, rather than simply expanding scale.

Purpose beyond profit. Handy argues that businesses and societies only truly thrive when they have a purpose beyond mere survival or profitability. He references his book The Hungry Spirit, which posits that people have two hungers: for the means of life and for a purpose in life. Leaders must provide a cause bigger than themselves, something people can devote themselves to, like addressing climate change, to inspire collective action and ensure long-term success.

Harvest collective memory. Handy proposes a new business idea: a "library of experiences" that harvests, records, and catalogues organizational memories. This collective wisdom, drawn from past successes and failures, could serve as invaluable case studies for learning and problem-solving. Such a resource, whether licensed or published, would allow individuals and organizations to learn from others' experiences, fostering continuous improvement and preventing the repetition of past mistakes.

8. Find Joy and Wisdom in Every Stage of Life

"I look out at a lovely scene. The sun is shining most days at some stage. I can’t walk far unaided but, amazingly, I lift myself out of my chair to do a little ‘jog’ around the garden, every day after breakfast, just to show I still can."

Embrace the golden years. Handy, over ninety and disabled, finds immense joy in old age, living "like royalty" with care and comfort. He views this stage as a time for reading, reflection, and enjoying life's simple pleasures, free from the pressures of youth. He encourages celebrating old age, recognizing the assumed authority it brings and performing daily rituals like shouting "O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!" to mark the joy of being alive.

Strength from brokenness. The Japanese art of kintsugi, mending broken ceramics with gold-dusted lacquer, teaches that breakages make items stronger and more beautiful, their golden scars telling a story. Handy applies this to life, seeing his own "furrowed brow" and physical ailments as a "kintsugi face," a tapestry of experience and wisdom. He believes that reflecting on life's "breakages" in tranquility transforms them into wisdom, making one more interesting and, in a way, beautiful.

Legacy of virtue. Handy reflects on what he wants people to remember him for, concluding that virtues like kindness, reliability, honesty, and fairness are far more valuable than achievements or wealth. He encourages a self-analysis exercise: considering what adjectives one would want on their tombstone. This prompts a focus on character and relationships, urging readers to cultivate these "unsung virtues" while they still have time to live and remedy their faults.

9. Harness the Power of Perspective and Ritual

"Just call something a different name and you see it differently."

The power of naming. Handy demonstrates how simply renaming something can profoundly alter perception and experience. He transformed his weed-filled Tuscan patch into a delightful "lawn of flowers" by changing its name. Similarly, during lockdown, he reframed it as an "overdue sabbatical," finding contentment where others found "hell." This technique extends to societal concepts, suggesting that calling income tax a "donation to the nation's wellbeing" might foster a more positive attitude.

Rituals for continuity and change. Rituals are vital for emphasizing both continuity and change, crucial in organizations and private lives. Handy laments the lack of a religious ceremony for divorce, one that would honor past good times and bless future divergent paths. He advocates for treasuring existing rituals and creating new ones, even within families, to mark transitions gracefully and provide a stable basis for evolving relationships and life stages.

Personalized gratitude. The simple act of saying "thank you" gains immense power when accompanied by names—both the giver and the receiver. Handy recounts a heartfelt anonymous "thank you" letter and contrasts it with a supermarket cashier's impersonal receipt. He emphasizes that personalized gratitude, like Queen Elizabeth II's practice of thanking medal recipients by name, transforms mere words into meaningful acknowledgment, costing nothing yet meaning so much.

Last updated: December 30, 2025