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You Never Forget Your First

You Never Forget Your First

And He Just Might Be the Death of Me
by Millie Perez 2022 311 pages
3.67
1.1K ratings
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Plot Summary

Grief and Gold Wedding Bands

A daughter faces her mother's death

Amelia's world is upended as she stands by her mother's hospital bed, removing her mother's wedding band moments after her passing. The loss is both expected and shattering, leaving Amelia and her family adrift in a silence that feels heavier than grief itself. Her mother, Anna, had prepared for this moment, leaving behind letters, gifts, and even a wedding dress shopping memory for a future that now feels uncertain. The funeral, planned as a celebration of life, is filled with music and color, but Amelia is numb, unable to process condolences or the finality of her mother's absence. The only comfort comes from her chosen family—the cousin crew—and the unexpected warmth of Evan, her brother's best friend and her first crush, whose embrace offers a rare moment of laughter and release.

Cousin Crew and First Crush

Chosen family gathers, old feelings stir

Amelia's support system is her cousin crew—a vibrant, diverse group of first-generation Americans who have become her surrogate siblings. Each member brings their own chaos and comfort, but it's Evan, the outsider-turned-insider, who stands out. He's always been kind, protective, and quietly attentive to Amelia, even as she nursed a secret crush on him since childhood. Their dynamic is complicated by years of proximity, missed opportunities, and the unspoken tension that lingers between them. As the crew rallies around Amelia in her grief, Evan's presence becomes both a balm and a source of confusion, hinting at possibilities that Amelia isn't sure she's ready to explore.

Engagements and Old Wounds

A new engagement, old heartbreaks resurface

Months after her mother's death, Amelia announces her engagement to Sebastián, a relationship marked by on-again, off-again uncertainty. The cousin crew is supportive but wary, especially Evan, whose reaction is a mix of concern and barely concealed jealousy. A heated confrontation between Amelia and Evan exposes deep-seated insecurities and unresolved feelings. Evan challenges Amelia's reasons for marrying Sebastián, questioning whether love or fear of loneliness is driving her decision. The argument leaves both reeling, forcing Amelia to confront the reality of her relationship and the lingering shadow of her first love.

Shattered Trust, Shattered Plans

Betrayal destroys Amelia's future

Amelia's carefully constructed future collapses when she discovers Sebastián cheating—with a coworker, no less—on the eve of his birthday. The betrayal is public, humiliating, and violent, with her brother Antonio nearly coming to blows and Amelia herself physically ejecting Sebastián from their shared apartment. The aftermath is a blur of grief, anger, and self-doubt. Amelia moves in with her father, then into a tiny studio, her dreams of marriage and motherhood in ruins. The cousin crew closes ranks, but Amelia is left to pick up the pieces of her life, questioning her worth and her ability to trust again.

Dancing, Drinking, and Disaster

A night out leads to confrontation

Pushed by her best friend Nikki to reclaim her confidence, Amelia agrees to a night out that quickly spirals into drunken revelry. Dressed to kill and determined to have fun, she finds herself the center of attention—until Evan appears, furious and protective. Their confrontation is electric, charged with years of unresolved desire and frustration. Evan's jealousy and Amelia's defiance explode into a public argument, but beneath the anger is a mutual longing neither can deny. The night ends with Amelia in Evan's apartment, their boundaries blurring as teasing turns to temptation, setting the stage for a new, riskier intimacy.

The Night Evan Returns

Old games, new rules in Evan's apartment

Alone together for the first time, Amelia and Evan engage in a battle of wills—flirting, taunting, and testing each other's limits. Amelia's boldness surprises them both, as she strips down to lingerie and leaves Evan reeling. Their dynamic shifts from playful to charged, with each daring the other to cross the line. The night is a dance of near-misses and confessions, culminating in a truce that is anything but peaceful. By morning, Amelia is gone, leaving behind a note—and her underwear—as a challenge. Both are left questioning what they want and what they're willing to risk.

Teasing, Tension, and Truths

Family gatherings, secret games, and shifting power

The cousin crew's holiday gatherings are a minefield of secrets and shifting alliances. Amelia and Evan's chemistry simmers beneath the surface, their private war spilling into public spaces. Priscilla, the perennial antagonist, pushes Amelia to her limits, but the new Amelia pushes back, matching energy and refusing to be the baby of the group any longer. Evan's return to New York is both a comfort and a complication, as he maneuvers to spend more time with Amelia, orchestrating a Thanksgiving getaway that will force them into close quarters—and closer truths.

Trial Dating in a Snowstorm

Snowed in, hearts laid bare

A freak snowstorm traps Amelia and Evan alone in his luxurious cabin, turning a planned group holiday into an unexpected trial run of domesticity. With nowhere to hide, they agree to a "trial dating" arrangement—no strings, just honesty and exploration. The isolation strips away their defenses, allowing vulnerability and desire to surface. They cook, argue, and finally give in to the pull between them, making love with a passion that is both healing and terrifying. The storm outside mirrors the storm within, as both realize that what began as a game has become something real and irrevocable.

Cabin Confessions and Kisses

Secrets, scars, and declarations of love

In the intimacy of the cabin, Amelia and Evan share their deepest wounds—her fear of abandonment, his guilt over a secret past involving a dangerous loan from a cartel-connected friend. The revelation that Evan's success is built on a foundation of risk and regret threatens to unravel them, but Amelia's response is fierce loyalty. Together, they confront the threats to their happiness, vowing to face whatever comes as a team. Their love, once tentative, becomes a lifeline, and they emerge from the cabin changed—committed to each other, but aware that the outside world still holds dangers they cannot control.

Family, Flowers, and Fears

Public love, private threats, and new beginnings

Back in the city, Amelia and Evan navigate the challenges of going public with their relationship. Family reactions range from shock to acceptance, with Antonio's protectiveness giving way to reluctant blessing. Mysterious bouquets of flowers and sightings of a strange man unsettle Amelia, hinting at a threat that is both personal and connected to Evan's past. As they move in together and build a new life, the specter of danger looms, forcing them to tighten security and rely on each other more than ever. Their love is tested by secrets, but strengthened by honesty and shared purpose.

Secrets, Stalkers, and Security

Danger closes in, trust is tested

Amelia's sense of safety is shattered by the realization that she is being watched—and that the stalker is connected to Evan's old friend, now a powerful and vengeful criminal. The couple's relationship is strained by secrecy and fear, culminating in a painful confrontation at Amelia's birthday party. Misunderstandings and mistrust threaten to tear them apart, but the truth eventually comes out: the mysterious "LC" is not a rival, but Evan's estranged father, Luke Cooper, a private investigator trying to protect them. With the real threat identified, Amelia and Evan must decide whether to run, fight, or stand together.

Black Roses and Betrayal

Kidnapping, courage, and a race against time

Amelia is kidnapped by Julian—her childhood first kiss, now the infamous Mr. Valentine—who has been stalking her for months. His obsession is twisted, fueled by a desire to reclaim the past and punish Evan for "stealing" Amelia. The confrontation is harrowing, with Julian threatening her family and forcing her to relive old memories. Amelia's courage and quick thinking buy her time, but it is the combined efforts of Evan, Antonio, and Evan's father that lead to her rescue. The ordeal leaves scars, but also cements the depth of Amelia and Evan's love and commitment.

Kidnapping, Courage, and Rescue

A life hangs in the balance, love endures

Amelia is gravely injured during her rescue, requiring emergency surgery and a long, painful recovery. The trauma brings her family and the cousin crew together, with Evan refusing to leave her side. In the aftermath, secrets are laid bare, forgiveness is sought and granted, and the couple emerges stronger for having survived the worst. The experience forces Amelia to reevaluate her priorities, letting go of old fears and embracing the messy, beautiful reality of loving and being loved in return.

Recovery, Revelations, and Reunions

Healing, honesty, and a new home

As Amelia heals, she and Evan build a new life together—moving into a brownstone, blending their families, and creating new traditions. The cousin crew rallies around them, old rivalries giving way to newfound respect and affection. Priscilla apologizes, Nikki finds her own path, and Antonio accepts his sister's happiness. Evan steps down from his company, dedicating himself to philanthropy and partnership with Amelia. Together, they create nonprofits that honor their families' legacies and serve their communities, finding purpose in giving back and building a future together.

Love, Legacy, and Letting Go

A proposal, a wedding, and a promise

On the anniversary of her mother's death, Amelia is surrounded by family and friends as Evan proposes, using her mother's wedding band as the engagement ring. The moment is bittersweet, a celebration of life and love that honors the past while embracing the future. Their wedding is a joyful, multicultural affair, blending traditions and forging new ones. Through laughter, tears, and the support of their chosen family, Amelia and Evan learn that love is not about perfection, but about showing up, holding on, and letting go of what no longer serves them.

New Beginnings, New Names

Happily ever after, with room to grow

Married and thriving, Amelia and Evan settle into a life that is both ordinary and extraordinary. They find fulfillment in their work, their community, and each other, never forgetting the losses and lessons that brought them here. As they prepare to welcome a new life—a baby on the way—they reflect on the journey that began with grief and ended in joy. Their story is a testament to resilience, the power of chosen family, and the enduring magic of first love that grows into forever.

Characters

Amelia Nuñez

Resilient, loving, and searching for belonging

Amelia is a first-generation Dominican-American woman whose life is shaped by the loss of her mother, the weight of family expectations, and her own longing for love and security. As a financial risk analyst, she is logical and driven, but her heart often leads her into messy, vulnerable places. Her relationships—with her family, the cousin crew, and especially Evan—are marked by both deep loyalty and a fear of abandonment. Amelia's journey is one of self-discovery, learning to trust herself and others, and embracing the imperfect, unpredictable nature of love. Her development is a testament to the power of grief to transform, and the courage it takes to choose happiness after heartbreak.

Evan Cooper

Protective, haunted, and fiercely devoted

Evan is the quintessential "first crush"—handsome, successful, and seemingly unattainable. Beneath his confident exterior lies a man shaped by loss, guilt, and a secret past involving a dangerous loan that launched his tech empire. His love for Amelia is steadfast, but he struggles with vulnerability and the fear that his past will endanger her. Evan's journey is one of redemption, learning to let go of shame and accept love, not as a reward for perfection, but as a gift earned through honesty and sacrifice. His relationship with Amelia is both a safe haven and a crucible, forcing him to confront his deepest fears and embrace a future built on trust.

Antonio Nuñez

Protective brother, loyal friend, and reluctant ally

Antonio is Amelia's older brother and Evan's best friend, caught between his roles as protector and confidant. His grief over their mother's death makes him overbearing, but his love for Amelia is unwavering. Antonio's journey is one of letting go—of control, of old grudges, and of the belief that he knows what's best for his sister. His acceptance of Amelia and Evan's relationship is hard-won, but ultimately rooted in a desire to see his family happy and whole.

Nikki

Best friend, comic relief, and voice of reason

Nikki is Amelia's college best friend, a whirlwind of energy, humor, and fierce loyalty. She pushes Amelia out of her comfort zone, challenges her to take risks, and provides a safe space for vulnerability. Nikki's own struggles with love and identity mirror Amelia's, and her journey is one of self-acceptance and growth. Her role as confidante and instigator is crucial, often catalyzing the story's most pivotal moments.

Priscilla

Antagonist-turned-ally, driven by insecurity

Priscilla is the cousin crew's resident "mean girl," whose lifelong rivalry with Amelia is rooted in jealousy and a desire for validation. Her sharp tongue and competitive nature mask deep insecurities and a longing for acceptance. Over the course of the story, Priscilla's antagonism gives way to vulnerability, leading to reconciliation and a more authentic connection with Amelia. Her arc is a reminder that people can change, and that forgiveness is possible even after years of hurt.

Sebastián

Ex-fiancé, symbol of settling and self-doubt

Sebastián represents Amelia's fear of being alone and her tendency to settle for "good enough" rather than risk heartbreak. His betrayal is devastating, but ultimately liberating, forcing Amelia to confront her own patterns and choose herself. Sebastián's later apology and growth highlight the possibility of redemption, but also the importance of moving on from relationships that no longer serve us.

Julian Vasquez / Mr. Valentine

Charismatic, obsessive, and ultimately dangerous

Julian is the story's antagonist, a childhood friend whose infatuation with Amelia curdles into obsession and violence. His dual identity as Mr. Valentine—a cartel-connected criminal—makes him both a personal and existential threat. Julian's actions force Amelia and Evan to confront their deepest fears and fight for their future. His character is a cautionary tale about the dangers of nostalgia, entitlement, and unchecked desire.

Luke Cooper (LC)

Estranged father, secret protector, and source of truth

Luke is Evan's father, whose absence and criminal past have shaped Evan's worldview. His return as a private investigator and secret guardian adds layers of complexity to the story, challenging Evan to reconcile with his own history and accept help. Luke's presence is both a source of tension and a catalyst for healing, bridging the gap between past mistakes and present redemption.

Anna Nuñez

Beloved mother, guiding spirit, and legacy of love

Though she dies at the story's outset, Anna's influence permeates every chapter. Her wisdom, warmth, and foresight guide Amelia through grief and into new beginnings. Anna's letters, gifts, and traditions serve as touchstones for her family, reminding them to celebrate life even in the face of loss. Her legacy is one of resilience, joy, and the enduring power of a mother's love.

The Cousin Crew

Chosen family, collective strength, and comic chaos

The cousin crew—Vanessa, Lucy, the twins, Danielle, and others—are the backbone of Amelia's world. Each brings their own quirks, struggles, and support, creating a tapestry of love and loyalty that sustains Amelia through her darkest moments. Their collective presence is a reminder that family is not just blood, but the people who show up, hold space, and help us become our truest selves.

Plot Devices

Dual Narration and Shifting Perspectives

Alternating voices reveal inner worlds and hidden truths

The novel employs a dual (and sometimes multi-) perspective structure, alternating between Amelia and Evan's points of view. This device allows readers to experience the same events through different emotional lenses, deepening empathy and understanding. The shifting perspectives also heighten tension, as secrets are revealed to the reader before the characters themselves are ready to confront them, creating dramatic irony and emotional complexity.

The Cousin Crew as Greek Chorus

A collective voice that grounds and propels the narrative

The cousin crew functions as a modern Greek chorus, providing commentary, comic relief, and a sounding board for the protagonists. Their group chats, interventions, and holiday gatherings serve as both plot catalysts and emotional anchors, reflecting the importance of chosen family in navigating life's challenges.

Symbolism of Flowers and Wedding Bands

Objects as emotional touchstones and narrative anchors

Flowers—especially yellow tulips and black roses—are recurring symbols of love, loss, and danger. The gold wedding band, passed from mother to daughter, becomes a powerful emblem of continuity, inheritance, and the blending of past and future. These objects ground the story's emotional arc, providing tangible links between characters and generations.

Foreshadowing and Suspense

Hints and threats build tension and drive the plot

From the early mention of mysterious flowers to the shadowy presence of a stalker, the novel uses foreshadowing to create a sense of unease and anticipation. The gradual revelation of Evan's secret, the escalating danger posed by Julian, and the repeated references to Dateline and true crime all serve to heighten suspense, culminating in a dramatic rescue and cathartic resolution.

The "Trial Dating" and Cabin as Microcosm

Isolation as a crucible for transformation

The snowed-in cabin functions as a microcosm, stripping away external distractions and forcing Amelia and Evan to confront their feelings, fears, and desires. The "trial dating" arrangement is both a plot device and a metaphor for the risks and rewards of vulnerability. The cabin's physical and emotional intimacy accelerates their relationship, setting the stage for lasting change.

Thematic Use of Technology and Social Media

Modern love, modern threats, and the power of connection

Text messages, Instagram stories, and group chats are woven throughout the narrative, reflecting the realities of contemporary relationships. Technology is both a tool for connection and a source of danger, as surveillance, stalking, and public exposure complicate the protagonists' journey. The interplay between private and public selves is a central tension, mirroring the characters' struggle to reconcile authenticity with self-protection.

Analysis

Millie Perez's You Never Forget Your First is a vibrant, emotionally rich exploration of love, loss, and the messy, beautiful process of becoming oneself. At its core, the novel is about the power of chosen family, the courage to confront the past, and the necessity of vulnerability in forging authentic connections. Through Amelia and Evan's journey—from grief and betrayal to healing and hope—Perez interrogates the ways in which cultural expectations, trauma, and fear can shape (and sometimes sabotage) our pursuit of happiness. The story's modern, multicultural setting grounds its universal themes in the specificity of first-generation immigrant experience, highlighting the tension between tradition and self-determination. The use of humor, sharp dialogue, and a cast of unforgettable supporting characters keeps the narrative buoyant even as it tackles weighty subjects like death, addiction, and violence. Ultimately, the novel's message is one of radical hope: that love, when chosen bravely and nurtured honestly, can transform even the deepest wounds into sources of strength and joy. In a world that often feels uncertain and unforgiving, You Never Forget Your First is a testament to the resilience of the human heart and the enduring magic of first love that grows into forever.

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Review Summary

3.67 out of 5
Average of 1.1K ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

You Never Forget Your First by Millie Perez receives mixed reviews averaging 3.67/5 stars. Readers praise the Dominican representation, brother's best friend trope, and swoony romance between Amelia and Evan. Many loved the found family dynamics and cultural authenticity. However, critics noted poor pacing, rushed endings, immature characters, and an odd suspense subplot in the final chapters. The closed-door romance disappointed some readers expecting more explicit content. While several called it an impressive debut with addictive writing, others found it poorly written with cringey dialogue.

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About the Author

Millie Perez is a New York City-born author raised by Dominican immigrant parents. She has lived in various locations including Puerto Rico, Miami, Boston, New Zealand, and currently resides in Spain with her husband and two children. Perez holds a Master's degree in Couples and Family Therapy and Mental Health Counseling. After becoming a mother, she transitioned from mental health work to writing romance novels featuring guaranteed happy endings. When not managing her toddler, she enjoys watching Bravo and true crime documentaries. She maintains an active presence on Instagram at @millieperezauthor.

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