Key Takeaways
1. Neurotypical Perception: A World Filtered by Symbols
NT perception is restricted by their use of language and cultural symbols.
Filtered reality. Neurotypical (NT) individuals perceive the world not as raw sensory data, but through a "symbolic filter" that converts complex stimuli into simplified, culturally defined symbols. This process, termed "desensitization," allows them to navigate overwhelming environments without anxiety, but also dulls their direct experience of the world. It's like a pilot checking an airspeed dial instead of feeling the wind.
Efficient processing. This symbolic filtering enables NTs to be "multi-focus," efficiently incorporating vast amounts of environmental data simultaneously, as long as it aligns with expected cultural semantics. They don't process every detail, but rather the "cultural sine qua non"—the minimal symbolic essence—of things. This reduction allows for rapid processing and communication, but can lead to overlooking details that don't fit pre-existing categories.
Sensory integration. NTs exhibit strong "sensory integration," where all senses, muscles, and thoughts work together seamlessly. This allows them to drive, converse, and listen to music without signals getting crossed. This integrated, filtered perception forms the foundation for their complex cultural abilities, enabling them to effortlessly compact reality into manageable, communicable symbols.
2. The Belief Web: Socially Constructed Reality and Liquid Truth
For NTs with a strong social reality pattern, the truth is not the conclusion drawn from evidence. It is socially constructed.
Symbolic thought. NTs fundamentally "think in words," where symbols are not just communication tools but the basic units of thought. These words carry emotional connections and associative meanings beyond their literal definitions, forming a complex "belief web" of interconnected concepts, values, and propositions. This web is often value-laden, with emotional affinity or repulsion tied to each symbol.
Liquid truth. Beliefs within this web are not static but possess "liquid truth"—they are believed "part way" and can be highly dynamic, shifting based on associations and social context. A belief's "truth" is often the strength of a person's emotional affinity or its connection to their identity, rather than objective evidence. This fluidity allows for rapid adaptation to social consensus, but can make it difficult to differentiate between consensus opinion and objective reality.
Lumping and attrition. NTs often "lump" separate ideas into an inseparable "ball of wax," confusing the map with the territory. For example, indirect evidence of an event can be lumped with the event itself. Furthermore, beliefs are subject to "attrition," gradually leaking away if not constantly reinforced through repetition and social interaction. This constant reinforcement maintains the shared cultural map, making NTs highly responsive to social cues and adaptable to new environments.
3. Communication: A Multi-Layered Dance of Influence and Indirection
It’s often said that 80% of communication is nonverbal. Maybe this one of those social facts that is “true” because it is repeated so often. In any case, of the verbal part, only a small amount may be informational.
Beyond words. NT communication operates on multiple levels: chemistry, body language, facial expressions, and words conveying identity or feelings, with literal information often being a minor component. Messages are frequently "stretched out" with repetitive or vague language to allow time for nonverbal cues to be absorbed, or to convey influence and reinforce group identity.
Influential and indirect. The primary purpose of NT communication is often to influence others, manage one's status, or reinforce group identification, rather than simply conveying facts. "Small talk" serves as a trial run to gauge others' identities and points of manipulation without commitment. NTs excel at "fast, fluid communication" because they are rehashing a shared symbolic web, not calculating rules.
Decoding indirection. NTs favor "indirection" (metaphor, ambiguity, subtlety, abstraction) to maintain peace, politeness, and relationships. This allows for multiple interpretations, making communication soft, repetitive, and multi-faceted. An autistic person's directness can clash with this norm, being perceived as harsh, rude, or even threatening, as it bypasses the complex social dance of indirect meaning.
4. Identity and Emotions: Intentional Displays for Social Standing
NTs often define themselves as members of a group.
Group-derived identity. NTs largely define themselves through group membership (e.g., American, girl, Republican), with this affiliation often being more fundamental than individual traits. Group identity shapes their values and beliefs, leading them to adopt the norms of their chosen groups. This creates a duality where they feel unique but freely coalesce their identities around shared group symbols.
Intentional display. NT adults consciously choose and "display" emotions, expressions, and gestures to tell a desired story, often repressing true inner feelings. This "intentional display" is a learned behavior, distinguishing adults from children, and serves purposes like group association, manipulation, or vying for rank. Displaying an emotion can even cause the actual feeling, making it a powerful tool for self-regulation and social influence.
Personality construction. During adolescence, NTs "construct their personality" by trying on different identity groups and roles, much like trying on clothes. Once a display "works," they armor it for life, making it difficult to deconstruct. This constructed "self" becomes a cultural symbol. "Delusional self-awareness" can occur when their displayed state is far from their actual internal emotional reality, yet they remain certain of it.
5. Relationships: Strategic Alliances and Power Dynamics
For NT adults, however, the word often becomes more restricted and is also used to indicate people who are in the same identity group, those you have a strategic alliance with, will stand up for you, or who are on your side in a conflict.
Friends as allies. For NT adults, "friends" often signify strategic allies within an identity group, people who will support them in conflicts, rather than simply those they share warmth with. Relationships are "categorized, scripted relationships," falling into culturally defined types (e.g., colleagues, lovers) each with specific "games" or rules. The "game" being played is often more primal than the literal content of communication.
Rank and power. NTs establish a "pecking order" or "rank" within groups, with individuals and subgroups vying for cultural power. Ideas are often judged based on the speaker's rank, not solely on merit. "Power" is accumulated through threats, knowing personal information, lying, shaming, or isolating others. These threats, rarely carried out, maintain control and influence within social networks.
Conflict and winning. Conflict is a pervasive relationship script, often persisting long after its original cause fades, becoming about identity. Third parties choose sides based on personal advantage, not abstract correctness. The "winning" pattern means nearly any situation can become a competitive game, where the goal is to win, even if the reward is only symbolic. "Saving face" is crucial when losing is inevitable, shifting strategy from winning to minimizing damage to rank and reputation.
6. The "Ultimate Pattern": Life as a Competition for Rank
I call it the ultimate pattern because the pattern is seen nearly everywhere and crosses nearly every subculture, which makes it difficult to imagine any alternative to it.
Achievement and measurement. The "ultimate pattern" posits that life is an eternal competition for achievement and success, measured by other people. This socially constructed drive crosses nearly all subcultures, pushing individuals to strive for more possessions, education, generosity, or friends. It's about achieving rank within an identity group, not just winning individual conflicts.
Conformity and uniqueness. Ironically, NTs strive both to conform and to be unique. The ultimate pattern is the attempt to manipulate oneself and culture to stay within an identity group while ending up on top. This involves either improving oneself or changing the "game" so that one's existing strengths become valued. High-ranking individuals often reiterate known beliefs with slight innovations, gaining status through peer acknowledgment rather than radical originality.
Rewards and confidence. Rewards and punishments are intentionally doled out to perpetuate this pattern, with symbolic rewards (like gold stars or credentials) bestowing higher rank. "Confidence battling" is constant, as the most confident person often wins, regardless of factual accuracy. Appearing altruistic can also be a strategy to gain higher rank, as much of what seems selfless is intertwined with competition for status and reputation.
7. Symbolic Sex: Mating Rituals Beyond Biology
The pattern of symbolic sex means actual sex (or any sexual action) played out according to cultural rules.
Cultural and animal drives. NT sexuality is shaped by both animalistic drives and complex cultural rules. Beyond reproduction and innate desire, sex serves cultural purposes: improving social rank, buying favors, revenge, or conforming to perceived norms of masculinity or femininity. For many, both animal and cultural conditions must be met for voluntary sexual desire.
Mating rituals and identity. The path to sex involves elaborate "mating rituals" and negotiation, often starting with pre-teen "boyfriends/girlfriends" as a form of holistic learning and personality construction. These relationships are "categorized" and progress through "intimacy levels," each step requiring careful communication and risk assessment. Euphemisms and denial of instinctual aspects are common, especially in cultures with strong sexual taboos.
Tease and power. The "sexual tease" pattern simultaneously draws and deflects sexual attention, expressing "yes" and "no" ambiguously through physical (e.g., revealing clothing) and verbal (e.g., playing "hard to get") means. This ambiguity allows individuals to attract more potential mates while maintaining a sense of decency, ultimately increasing their status and choice. Sex can also be a tool for power, used to gain rank, hurt partners (as in affairs), or even as an act of aggression (forced sex), where symbolic losses and power dynamics are paramount.
8. Socializing: The Constant Synchronization of Culture
Socializing is the synchronization of the belief webs of different people.
Cultural synchronization. Socializing is the highest achievement of NTism, involving constant interaction to synchronize individual "belief webs." This process ensures people in the same group share knowledge, language, and "free-floating symbols," thereby creating and perpetuating a shared culture. This continuous alignment allows NTs to adapt to each other and maintain group cohesion.
Competitive conformity. Social situations are often fundamentally competitive, with NTs vying for power, sex, and recognition. They excel at both competing and conforming, finding intense social interactions, even with high sensory input, to be refreshing. Unstructured conversations, though seemingly "about nothing," are crucial for strengthening associative links, aligning mental structures, and increasing individual rank within identity groups.
Investment in conformity. The significant time NTs spend socializing and conforming is an investment that streamlines future social interactions. While autistics may perceive this as wasted time, it is essential for NTs to effectively use all the other patterns and function within their society. This constant cultural rehearsal ensures that the "lockstep pattern" of group learning and behavior is maintained, often preventing creative solutions that challenge the established belief web.
9. Autistic vs. Neurotypical: Fundamental Differences in Being
The root difference is that the autistic person develops a type of brain that admits natural unfiltered stimuli and does not filter it (as much) using cultural meaning.
Unfiltered perception. The fundamental difference for autistic individuals is a brain that admits natural, unfiltered stimuli, lacking the "symbolic filtering" and "desensitization" common in NTs. This leads to heightened sensory and emotional sensitivity, often resulting in being overwhelmed in typical NT environments and developing coping mechanisms like stimming. Language becomes less essential as a tool for perception, leading to lower dependency on it.
Cognitive independence. Without the strong reliance on language and cultural filtering, autistics develop "cognitive independence," making them less prone to "follow the herd" and more likely to be "in their own world." While this can lead to challenges in social learning and acquiring generalized knowledge, it also fosters deep engagement in "special interests" and an authentic, unencumbered way of thinking.
Societal mismatch. The long-term effects of being outnumbered by NTs include limited opportunities for connection on their own terms, hindering interpersonal skill development, and constant judgment or coercion. This "bashing" can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. Autistics are often mislabeled as having "social deficits," but it's more accurate to describe it as "low acculturation"—a failure to assimilate and conform to NT cultural norms.
10. Navigating the NT World: Authenticity Over Conformity
Growth in the true spiritual sense cannot be measured by anyone else and is not the same as conforming.
The losing game. For many autistics, competing with NTs on their terms is a losing battle. Autistics are not playing to win in the same social games, and their directness can be misinterpreted as manipulative or hostile, leading to being cast as an "enemy." Without the ability to manipulate shared cultural symbols, autistics often find themselves at a disadvantage in a world driven by collective beliefs and social rank.
Therapy's pitfalls. Mainstream autism therapy often operates on a "deficit model," aiming to make autistics act "normal" by teaching social skills and masking differences. This approach can be harmful, as it encourages inauthenticity and ignores the fundamental differences in autistic being. NTs, who define themselves socially, apply their own principles of development, which may not align with an autistic person's path of self-discovery.
Embracing authenticity. The author advises autistics to "remain authentic" and resist being led into falseness or complexity. True growth comes from one's inherent depths, not from shallow skills learned to conform. While learning to navigate the NT world is necessary, it's crucial to understand that external judgments of success or failure are often rooted in the "ultimate pattern" of competition, which autistics are not inherently designed to win.
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