A Year with Anthony De Mello

1. Awakening to Reality: See Beyond Delusions

Spirituality is about waking up.

Living in delusion. Most people are "asleep," living on false ideas about love, happiness, and themselves. They are like fish searching for the ocean, unaware of the reality surrounding them.
Self-observation is key. Waking up requires ceaseless self-observation—being aware of thoughts, feelings, and actions without judgment or interference. This awareness, not effort, facilitates understanding and change.
Reality transforms. When you understand a belief is false, you are freed from it. Awareness releases reality to change you, leading to a deeper sense of joy and peace.

2. Unhappiness is Programmed, Not Natural

It’s your programming that’s doing it to you. It’s the culture that’s doing it to you.

Internal, not external. Nothing in reality has the power to upset you; all upset exists within your programmed mind. Society and culture have conditioned you to react negatively to unmet expectations.
Blame is futile. It's not others, yourself, or life that causes suffering, but your ingrained programming. Blaming only perpetuates the cycle of anger and self-hatred.
Understanding is the remedy. Recognizing that your reactions stem from conditioning, not malice, allows you to distance yourself from the upset. This understanding is the remedy, leading to maturity and peace.

3. Attachments are the Root of All Suffering

The root cause of your suffering is attachment.

Clinging to illusions. An attachment is the false belief that happiness depends on a specific person, thing, or outcome. Society has programmed us to build our lives on these dependencies.
The cycle of misery. Attachments bring temporary thrills but inevitably lead to anxiety, fear of loss, and pain when lost. This creates a constant state of tension and unhappiness.
Freedom through sight. Dropping attachments isn't painful renunciation, but a delightful task achieved through awareness. See that you don't truly need these objects for happiness, and they lose their power.

4. Happiness is Your Natural, Uncaused State

Happiness is your natural state.

Innate joy. Happiness is not something to be acquired; it is your natural, uncaused state, like the sky that clouds pass over. Children possess this until society pollutes them.
Dropping, not adding. To rediscover happiness, you must subtract, not add. Drop attachments and false beliefs, and your inherent joy will be revealed.
Attitude shift. Even negative emotions like depression can coexist with serenity if your attitude changes. You can be calm and happy while challenges occur, without fighting them.

5. Love is Unconditional Freedom, Not Possession

Love means, “I’m perfectly happy without you, darling, it’s all right.”

Beyond desire. Cultural ideas of love are often disguised desire, control, and possessiveness. True love is free from attachment, fear, and demands.
Gratuitous and unselfconscious. Like a rose giving its fragrance, love gives without asking for return or seeking merit. It simply is, independent of persons or outcomes.
Freedom for all. Love leaves everyone free, including yourself. It means enjoying company without clinging, and not being miserable when connections change or end.

6. Distinguish Your True "I" from the Conditioned "Me"

Suffering exists in “me,” so when you identify “I” with “me,” suffering begins.

The fabricated self. The "me" is the collection of thoughts, body, name, career, beliefs, and labels you identify with. It is a constantly changing fabrication.
The observing "I". The "I" is the persistent, unthreatened observer, distinct from the "me." When "I" identifies with "me," suffering, attachment, and illusion begin.
Detachment brings freedom. When "I" does not identify with transient labels or desires, nothing can threaten you. This intelligent detachment allows clarity and freedom from emotional turmoil.

7. Non-Judgmental Awareness Drives True Transformation

It is this nonjudgmental awareness alone that heals and changes and makes one grow.

Effortless change. True change is not forced by ego or techniques, but arises naturally from non-judgmental awareness. It's like a rose blooming, artless and unselfconscious.
Observe, don't reform. Study your reactions to people and the world without condemnation or desire to change them. This open, nonselective observation floods you with awareness.
Awareness is delight. Awareness is an effortless delight, like a child discovering the world. Even when it uncovers unpleasant truths, it brings liberation and joy.

8. Embrace Life's Flow, Risks, and Impermanence

Life is for the gambler. The coward dies.

Security is stagnation. Life abhors security; it demands risks, change, and vulnerability. Clinging to stability leads to rigidity, stagnation, and a fear of both living and dying.
Accept all experiences. Learn to accept pleasure and pain, sorrow and joy, without labeling them good or bad. Resisting pain also closes you off to pleasure.
Flow with nature. Like nature, be flexible, flowing, and ever-changing. Embrace the cycle of life and death, for true living means being ready to lose your life.

9. The Mystical Path to God Lies Beyond Concepts

The final barrier to the vision of God is your God concept.

Direct knowing. We are endowed with a mystical mind and heart to know God directly, beyond thoughts, concepts, and images. You miss God because you think you already "know" Him.
God is unknowable. God cannot be described; any words or images fall short. The highest knowledge of God is to know Him as unknowable.
Silence is key. To commune with the Infinite, silence of words and thoughts is essential. This allows the mystical heart to awaken and be drawn to the Eternal Magnet.

10. Faith is Openness to Truth, Not Fixed Belief

Not belief, but faith. Your beliefs give you a lot of security, but faith is insecurity.

Beyond security. Beliefs offer security, but true faith embraces insecurity and uncertainty. It is an openness to truth, no matter where it leads, even into the unknown.
Question everything. Faith means being ready to follow truth, being wide open and ready to listen, but also challenging everything to see if it resonates in your heart.
Being over action. It's not your actions, but your being that counts. This openness to truth, even amidst tragedy, strengthens your connection to reality.

Last updated: December 31, 2025