On Desire

1. Desire is an Unchosen, Unconscious Force Shaping Our Lives

We are awash in desire at virtually every waking moment.

Ubiquitous influence. Desire is a constant, often unnoticed, presence in our lives, driving nearly every action, from reading a book to seeking approval. It's a fundamental human skill, exercised endlessly without tiring, shaping our days and ultimately our destinies. This pervasive nature makes us oblivious to its constant ebb and flow.

Spontaneous origins. Many profound, life-altering desires are not rationally chosen but emerge spontaneously, uninvited and unannounced. Examples include:

• Falling in love, which feels like an external force, making us act foolishly.
• Consumer cravings, like the sudden urge for an SUV or Hummer, often influenced by advertising.
• Radical life changes, such as Thomas Merton's inexplicable desire to become a Trappist monk.
  These desires can override our plans and alter our life's course, demonstrating their powerful, often mysterious, grip.

Crises of desire. When the flow of desire is disrupted, individuals can experience profound crises. These include:

• Loss of ability to desire, akin to deep boredom or depression, as experienced by novelist Larry McMurtry.
• Disgust with all existing desires, leading to renunciation, exemplified by Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha).
• A meaning-of-life crisis, where the point of desiring itself vanishes, as seen in Leo Tolstoy's "arrest of life."
  These experiences highlight how deeply our sense of self and purpose are intertwined with our desires, and how vulnerable we are to their unpredictable nature.

2. Our Social Nature Fuels a Relentless Pursuit of Status and Materialism

Most people spend their days pursuing worldly success—fame, fortune, and all the things that go with them.

Social validation. Our desire for material possessions and wealth is often inextricably linked to our need for social status and the admiration of others. If we were indifferent to how others perceived us, many of our consumer desires—for expensive cars, large houses, or designer clothes—would likely vanish. This suggests that much of our striving is not for intrinsic enjoyment but for external validation.

Image projection. We invest immense time, energy, and money in crafting and maintaining a specific public image, often vastly different from our true selves. This "social mask" is worn to gain approval and avoid contempt, even from strangers. The discomfort of this constant performance explains our deep need for privacy, where we can finally "be ourselves" without judgment.

Envy's corrosive power. Envy, a deeply antisocial and often hidden emotion, plays a significant role in our social interactions. We constantly compare ourselves to others, especially those closest to us, leading to feelings of injustice and dissatisfaction. This competitive drive for social status is a zero-sum game, where one person's gain can feel like another's loss, fueling a cycle of resentment and unhappiness.

3. A Biological Incentive System (BIS) Hardwires Our Fundamental Wants

We humans are incentivized. All of us have implanted within us a biological incentive system—let us refer to it as a BIS (rhymes with his).

Evolutionary design. Our biological incentive system (BIS) is hardwired into us through natural selection, rewarding behaviors conducive to survival and reproduction with good feelings (e.g., pleasure from sex, sweet foods) and punishing detrimental ones with bad feelings (e.g., pain from burns, hunger pangs). This system ensures we are motivated to eat, drink, seek safety, and procreate.

Covert operation. The BIS operates covertly; its "schedule of incentives" is not consciously known but learned through trial and error. We discover what feels good or bad by experience, like a child learning not to touch a hot stove. This system is remarkably effective, shaping our daily routines and long-term behaviors, often without our explicit awareness.

Flaws and manipulation. While effective for species survival, our BIS is not designed for individual happiness and can be flawed in modern environments. It rewards behaviors that were once beneficial but are now detrimental (e.g., gorging on sweet, fatty foods leading to health issues). It can also be "gamed" by substances like cocaine, which trigger intense pleasure without genuine evolutionary benefit, leading to counterproductive addictions.

4. Emotions, Not Pure Reason, Dictate Our Deepest Motivations

Reason is, and ought only to be, the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them.

Intellect's subservience. Our intellect, while skilled at forming instrumental desires (steps to achieve a goal), primarily serves our emotions, which generate our fundamental hedonic terminal desires (things we want for their own sake because they feel good or bad). The intellect helps us figure out how to get what our emotions want, rather than dictating what we should want.

Emotional veto power. Emotions possess a powerful veto over the intellect's desires. Even if our intellect rationally decides on a course of action (e.g., flying for safety), strong emotions like fear can override it, making the action impossible. Conversely, if emotions don't "commit" to an intellectual goal, the resulting desire remains feeble and unmotivated, demonstrating the intellect's impotence without emotional backing.

The "lackey" analogy. The relationship between intellect and emotions is often like a lackey serving a demanding, headstrong voluptuary. The emotions constantly generate desires ("I want chocolate!"), and the intellect, unable to silence them, devises strategies to satisfy them. This dynamic explains why, despite our rational intentions, we often succumb to cravings or irrational impulses, as the emotions wear down the intellect with persistent "whining" and intrusive thoughts.

5. Miswanting and Adaptation Trap Us on a Perpetual Satisfaction Treadmill

People tend to overestimate the duration of their emotional reactions to future events—especially negative events—and . . . this can lead them to miswant in the long term.

The illusion of lasting happiness. We constantly pursue new desires, believing that their fulfillment will bring lasting happiness, yet we repeatedly find only temporary satisfaction, or none at all. This cycle is driven by two psychological phenomena: miswanting and adaptation. We are poor predictors of what will truly make us happy, often desiring things that, once obtained, make little difference to our overall well-being.

Contaminated desires. Miswanting often occurs because our desires are "contaminated" by our current emotional state or incorrect theories about happiness. For instance, fantasizing about a relaxing beach vacation when overworked might lead to boredom once actually on the beach. We also misjudge the duration of emotional impacts, overestimating how long both positive and negative events will affect us, leading to misplaced efforts.

The adaptation trap. Even when we get something genuinely desirable, its appeal diminishes over time due to psychological adaptation. We quickly grow accustomed to new possessions, relationships, or achievements, taking them for granted. This leads to a return of dissatisfaction, prompting us to form new desires and restart the "satisfaction treadmill," perpetually chasing a fleeting sense of fulfillment.

6. Mastering Desire is the Essential Path to Lasting Tranquility

It is entirely possible to gain satisfaction without pursuing, much less gaining worldly success.

Beyond the BIS. The human condition involves living under a biological incentive system (BIS) that prioritizes survival and reproduction over individual happiness, often leaving us perpetually dissatisfied. While we cannot escape our BIS, we can choose to superimpose our own life plan over its dictates, thereby conferring personal meaning and achieving satisfaction. This "middle path" requires considerable, though not complete, mastery over our desires.

The futility of endless pursuit. The worst way to deal with dissatisfaction is to endlessly pursue new desires. This approach guarantees a life on the satisfaction treadmill, where each fulfilled desire is quickly replaced by another. True, lasting satisfaction comes not from changing the world to fit our desires, but from changing ourselves to want what we already possess.

A two-stage strategy. Mastering desire involves a two-stage approach:

• Prevention: Actively avoiding influences or people that might trigger unwanted desires.
• Extinction: Developing techniques to extinguish desires that arise despite our preventative efforts, such as prayer, meditation, or rational reflection on their absurdity.
  This process requires sustained effort and willpower, but ultimately leads to a more tranquil and meaningful existence than the relentless pursuit of fleeting external rewards.

7. Religious Traditions Offer Diverse Strategies for Curbing Desires

The bliss of a religious life is attainable by every one who walks in the noble eightfold path.

Buddhism's middle path. Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, rejected both hedonism and extreme asceticism, advocating a "middle path" to overcome suffering caused by desire and ignorance. His Noble Eightfold Path involves right view, intention, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness, and concentration, aiming for detachment rather than repression of desires, leading to tranquility and enlightenment (satori).

Christian and Islamic control. Christianity and Islam focus on curbing specific "unwholesome" desires (e.g., lust, greed, covetousness) through prayer and adherence to moral codes. The reward for this self-control is often promised in an afterlife, such as heaven, where other, "righteous" desires will be eternally satisfied. St. John of the Cross, however, advocated for overcoming all desires for union with God in this life.

Protestant sects and community. Groups like the Amish and Hutterites demonstrate how community structures can aid in desire management. They selectively reject modern technologies and social norms (e.g., no TVs, cars, or private property for Hutterites) to prevent the rise of divisive desires for status and material wealth. Their emphasis on humility, conformity, and communal accountability, enforced through practices like shunning, helps members achieve a profound sense of community and contentment.

8. Philosophical Wisdom Emphasizes Inner Control and Acceptance

Do not seek to have events happen as you want them to, but instead want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well.

Stoic tranquility. Stoic philosophers like Epictetus, Seneca, and Marcus Aurelius sought tranquility by mastering desire and focusing on what is "up to us" (our opinions, impulses, desires, aversions) rather than external circumstances. They advocated for:

• Accepting fate and what cannot be controlled.
• Distinguishing between natural (limited) and unnatural (unlimited) desires.
• Practicing poverty and appreciating what one already possesses to counter insatiability.
• Ignoring insults and external praise, as these disrupt inner peace.
  This approach aims to reduce negative emotions and cultivate a deep, inner joy.

Epicurean moderation. Epicureans, despite common misconceptions, also pursued tranquility through moderation and the mastery of desires. Epicurus argued that a pleasant life comes from "sober reasoning," not endless indulgence. He advised questioning every desire's outcome and working to want what one already has, believing that "poverty, when measured by the natural purpose of life, is great wealth."

Skeptic detachment. Skeptics, like Pyrrho and Sextus Empiricus, sought tranquility by withholding belief about what is inherently good or bad, desirable or undesirable. They argued that much suffering stems from our opinions and judgments. By refusing to form strong beliefs about the world, they aimed to moderate emotional responses and avoid the "flood of evils" that arise from desiring or avoiding things "by nature."

9. Embracing Eccentricity Can Liberate Us from Social Tyranny

There is some advantage in being the humblest, cheapest, least dignified man in the village, so that the very stable boys shall damn you.

Rejection of conformity. Eccentrics, exemplified by Diogenes and Henry David Thoreau, refuse to conform to societal norms and expectations, thereby liberating themselves from the powerful grip of social desires. They prioritize their own vision of a meaningful life over the admiration or approval of others, often embracing lifestyles that appear strange or foolish to the mainstream.

Freedom from social pressure. By not caring what others think, eccentrics avoid the endless cycle of striving to impress, which consumes much of most people's time, energy, and wealth. They find no point in acquiring status symbols or engaging in social competitions, allowing them to pursue their true interests, even if these pay minimally or are not conventionally "successful."

Militant nonconformity. Figures like Diogenes, who lived in a tub and openly ridiculed societal values, and Thoreau, who documented the "quiet desperation" of his neighbors from his Walden cabin, actively challenged the prevailing desires of their time. Their lives serve as models for how rejecting social validation can lead to profound personal freedom, happiness, and a low-stress existence, despite external ridicule.

10. True Satisfaction Comes from Wanting What You Already Have

Nothing satisfies the man who is not satisfied with a little.

The illusion of more. The ultimate insight from various traditions is that lasting satisfaction does not come from acquiring more, but from cultivating contentment with what one already possesses. Our inherent insatiability means that even immense worldly success—fame, fortune, luxury—will not extinguish the underlying feelings of dissatisfaction that drive the pursuit.

Shifting focus. Instead of endlessly chasing new desires, the path to satisfaction involves a conscious effort to appreciate and want what is already present in our lives. This means recognizing that our current circumstances, job, relationships, or possessions were often once desired, or are currently desired by someone less fortunate.

Personal meaning over cosmic significance. While a cosmically significant meaning to life may be elusive, we can achieve profound personal meaning by consciously choosing a life plan that aligns with our values, rather than mindlessly following the dictates of our evolutionary programming. This involves "cheating" our BIS by selectively ignoring its incentives, thereby taking control of our desires and shaping a life of genuine contentment and tranquility.

Last updated: December 31, 2025